You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
