Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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