Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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