He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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