hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
