i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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