My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
