Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
