I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
