It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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