Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
