some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
