i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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