I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
