her vagine was all disorganized.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
