mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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