She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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