billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
