I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Duck Duck Cougar?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
