the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize