I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
