we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
