my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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