she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
as a side note pls kill me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
