new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
