how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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