My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
