He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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