I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
