Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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