I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
