I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
