I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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