quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
