oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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