i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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