The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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