I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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