He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
