I hate your face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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