Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
