y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
