A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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