i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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