So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
