so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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