The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
