There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
