I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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