Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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