Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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