ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize