My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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