This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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