Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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