I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
