I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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