Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
