Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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