Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
