dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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