i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
