Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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