Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
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I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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