Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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