I want to stick my p in your. b.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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