I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
