I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
