Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
