I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
