the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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