We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
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I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
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Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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